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DEAR MAN:

Texting Etiquette 

for Conflict Resolution

The DEAR MAN acronym is a Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) tool for interpersonal effectiveness. This tool assists in solving interpersonal conflict or making a request. Continue reading below to use this acronym to assist adolescents in analyzing their text conversations while being mindful of the tone, language, expectations, and clarity of their messages/posts. Two texting conversations are demonstrated below as an additional resource. 

Describe

Do you understand what the other person is trying to say to you?

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Does the other person understand what you are attempting to convey?

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Are you on the same page in regard to the content of the conversation?

EXPRESS

Have you been expressing yourself in an appropriate and healthy manner without becoming defensive?

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Are you accepting some level of responsibility in the conversation/argument?

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Is the other person becoming defensive IN REACTION TO how you are expressing yourself?

ASSERT

Are you being clear?

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Direct?

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Firm?

RE-INFORCE

Is the other person able to understand WHY you are communicating with them and/or requesting something of them?

MINDFUL

Has the conversation become de-railed or unfocused by other topics?

APPEAR

CONFIDENT

Are you being wishy-washy in your responses?

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Are you being overly reactive?

NEGOTIATE

Are you willing to listen to the other person?

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Are you able to empathize with their feelings?

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Are you considering alternative points of view?

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Can you both compromise or agree?

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Is it possible for you BOTH to LEAVE THE CONVERSATION 

content?

References

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The Expanded Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Training Manual: Practical DBT for Self-help, and Individual and Group Treatment Settings (2011) Book by Cortney Sidwell Pederson and Lane Pederson. Premier Publishing & Media; 1 edition (January 27, 2012)

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